Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
