The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
