i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
