Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
