Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize