omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
