hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
