I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
