How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
too bad you live with your parents still
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
