woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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