dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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