i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
