Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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