New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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