Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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