Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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