you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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