I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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