Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
