I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
