Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
