In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
