Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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