I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
