So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
