Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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