I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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