matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
