pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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