YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
