It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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