never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
