this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
