3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
