I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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