i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
