While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
