in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
