all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The uberlube is also flammable
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
