Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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