so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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