Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
