Don't you send me to vm
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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