you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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