ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
