Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
