I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
