It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
