Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize