I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
