me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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