All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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