I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
