I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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