u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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