I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
