i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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