is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
