***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize