She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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