I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
