Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
