Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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