i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
