I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
