just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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