got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
