I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
