Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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