I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
