Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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