if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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