I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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