My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
